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Why A Snail Could Be The Key To Your Success.

23rd June 2015 by VParmar 1 Comment

Ninnian took her place on centre stage and took a deep breathe to calm any nerves before she smiled and said “Today I want to talk to you about something that inspires me…..I want to talk about Snails”

Now, I’ve heard a fair few motivational or inspirational speeches in my time but never have I heard anyone say their success was inspired by a snail.

But as this young student, who was competing in the Midlands Speaker of The Year competition, began to explain it all made sense.

Here is what she shared :

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The Power Of Small

10th June 2015 by VParmar Leave a Comment

Last week I finally managed to cross a long time goal off my bucket list, when I took the skies in a plane.

I’m sure most people reading this will have had some kind of experience of flying on a jumbo jet but let me tell you being up there in a two seater semi acrobatic plane is a completely different experience.

It’s both exhilarating and a little terrifying at the same time. I mean, there just a few inches of plastic and fibre glass holding us up in the open air!

Whilst up in the clouds getting used the flight controls, my instructor asked me to turn the plane to the right and that’s when something happened that I wasn’t quiet expecting.

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How To Gain Perspective

18th March 2015 by VParmar Leave a Comment

I don’t watch a lot of TV but recently I caught a repeat of Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen nightmares – love or loathe him, he is certainly entertaining!

In this particular episode, a young lady called Tatiana had bought herself a restaurant or rather she had persuaded her mom and sister to put their homes and pensions on the line to fund her dream of being a restaurant owner.

Her Mom and sister had no experience of the business but Tatiana had previously worked at the restaurant…that was part of the problem.

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Make Rejection Your Friend and 2015 Could Be Your Best Year Yet.

8th January 2015 by VParmar 3 Comments

OK, so it may sound counter intuitive and you might be thinking that I still have some kind of New Year’s Eve hangover but stay with me on this.

Today, I was chatting to a young entrepreneur who has dreams of setting up a charity. One of the strategies we discussed for her was to identify people who had experience in setting up a charity and reach out to ask for help.

“You have to ask?” she said.

Suddenly her child like excitement was sapped from her body.

I asked her what was wrong and she said “what if they said no?”

I said to her “How will you ever know if you don’t ask?”

In my experience of helping people to improve their results, whether it’s in their business, career or life, here is what I have discovered.

I’ve come to learn that most people who are not achieving the results they want, are not willing to put themselves ‘out there’ or take action for the fear of being rejected.

They are held back by the fear of an investor or a key customer saying “No”

They are paralysed by a fear of being passed over for that big promotion or being ostracised by people around for sharing their ideas.

They procrastinate over the fear of who they might become if they are successful or if they fail.

As a result they choose to play it ‘safe’ locking their dreams, ambitions and ideas deep inside their internal Fort Knox.

Whilst I understand that nobody (including me) likes being rejected, the simple truth is that without exposing yourself to this often painful experience you will never move forward and get what you want.

How can you really achieve greatness if you are not willing to present yourself fully to the world?

I suffered this same fear when I first started writing blogs and recording videos. I’d ask myself “what if people don’t like what I am saying?” or “What if no one watches my videos or responds to my blogs?” Or “What if I say something wrong?”

There is no doubt that the experience of rejection can be crushing but it can also be incredibly positive and powerful.

It’s all a question of perspective.

When somebody says “No” you can either walk away with your tail between your legs or you can choose step back and ask yourself some powerful questions.

It is like using Google. The quality of your results depends on the quality of the search terms.

Most people simply ask “Why?” The trouble with asking ‘why’ is your brain will give you an answer whether it actually knows or not.

Instead try asking yourself questions like “What do I need to learn from this experience to help me get better next time?” or “What do I need to change in order to get the results I want next time?”

The point I am making here is that rejection is part of your refinement. It’s like a testing process.

It’s not a reason to give up and throw in the towel but rather an opportunity to be more innovative, creative and to grow your skills.

The bottom line is that In order to get what you want you have to be prepared to be rejected.

Instead of running away, embrace rejection like a friend and you’ll be surprised at how much more you could learn and achieve.

Judge and Jury

5th November 2014 by VParmar Leave a Comment

“He is just one of those people…always complaining and never grateful!!!!” said the angry voice.

I was a on training heading into the City Centre and there was a phone conversation taking place a couple of rows behind me. I didn’t know the girl but I couldn’t help but think to myself that whoever she was talking about was now condemned to being treated as “always complaining and never grateful”.

In our interactions with people we make snap judgements all the time. We decide within seconds what other person is like and we put them in a category along with other people we have labelled the same. (You are probably making some judgement about me right now)

It’s not wrong or right. It’s a natural human thing to do.

What can become a problem though is when that initial judgement becomes a filter through which you observe that person. That judgement can become label that presupposes what that person is going to be like before you’ve even started any conversations. It’s like an post-it note you’ve placed on their heads.

As leaders (yes that’s right you are a leader!) it’s our job to connect with people not just communicate. In order to connect with people fully we must be able to catch ourselves when we are in ‘label’ mode, otherwise we will never truly be able to make that all important connection.

Earlier this week Channel 4 aired a programme called “Make Leicester British” which was a kind of social experiment where people from diverse backgrounds were put together under one roof. The group included immigrants and asylum seekers, as well as past economic migrants and some from the indigenous population.

There were number of labels which came to the surface and got in the way of people really connecting. ( If you in the UK and would like to watch it here)

Most interesting for me though, was how the programme highlighted the number of labels held against the asylum seekers and immigrants in particular.

Sweeping statements were made about what kind of people they were and how they had ‘all’ come over to Britain for benefits or to “milk” the system.

Now it might be true of some, but all? If we judge all by the actions of a few, how does that bring people together?

I’m reminded of a quote by Mahatma Gandhi :

“Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”

I’ve got some further thoughts on this concept which you see in the video below.

I’d love you hear your comments, experiences and even challenges. Please comment below!

What makes a strong leader?

6th October 2014 by VParmar Leave a Comment

Last week I was invited to share my thoughts with Danny Kelly on BBC Radio WM about leadership following a YouGov survey which revealed that 59% of respondents felt that Ed Miliband appeared ‘weak.’

I shared 3 key attributes which I feel are key attributes of great leaders : 1) The ability to engage, 2) having a commanding physiology and 3) being prepared to be vulnerable.

You can listen to the whole interview (8 mins) below.

There are other traits which I believe make a strong leader and add to what I said in the interview.

I’m taken back to a book I read many years ago that had a profound effect on me and shaped the way I developed as a leader.

Steven R. Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has been a permanent fixture in my book collection for many years. Below I have outlined my adaptation of five of his key principles that I believe translate into practical behaviours for strong leaders.

#1. Be Proactive.

The strong leader is always on the front foot understanding that they cannot control everything around them. They know that they are not defined by their circumstances or conditions but rather they are defined by how they respond in situations.

The weak leader is caught on the back foot. They believe that they are helpless, a victim of circumstance and that the solution to the problem always lies with someone or something else.

For example, imagine the performance of a team is suffering. The strong leader will look at themselves first and ask “what is it that I could do differently to help improve the situation?” They will step forward, accept responsibility and become part of the solution.

The weak leader will see the problem elsewhere and seek to apportion blame, declaring that it is others that need to change in order to improve things. They will step back, absolve themselves from any responsibility and believe that the solution exists outside of themselves.

#2. Begin with the end in mind.

The strong leader has a clear vision and makes daily decisions consistent with travelling in that direction.

The weak leader’s decision making is moment to moment. They are a random collection of choices that may or may not help achieve what they want.

The strong leader knows that establishing the end game first is critical to overall success. They understand that if they know where they want to be, then they can make better choices day to day moving towards what they want rather than away from it.

For example, imagine you are leading within an organisation and are asked to identify cost savings. It would be easy to look down your departmental budget and pick out the big numbers to slash. This might win you some ground in the short term but what if those things that were cut are crucial to the long term success of your business? What if the very things that win you points now are the cause of your demise later?

#3. Put first things first.

Strong leaders focus on the ‘must’ do tasks whereas weak leaders focus on the ‘nice to do’ things.

Where as begin with the end in mind was about the mental preparation and creation, putting first things first is about the physical creation.

In a constantly ‘on’ world you can easily find yourself being busy doing things all day, but are they the right things? Are they the most urgent or important? Or are you doing them because you like to do them?

Take email as an example. Do you respond to every message pretty much as soon as it comes in? Does the ‘ding’ of email arriving suddenly jolt you into action?

Of course there are urgent emails and messages which need an instant reply and I bet if you really think about it there are very few that actually need that level of immediate response in reality.

What are big important things you should be doing instead? The things which will move you closer to your objective?

If you don’t have a clear end game then how can you know what is and what isn’t urgent?

#4. Seek fist to understand and then to be understood.

The strong leader listens…really listens, the weak leader simply hears what is being said.

Most people think they are good listeners but in reality they can still be much better.

In words of William Stringfellow –

“Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your own appearance or impressing another, or trying to decide what you are going to say when the other person stops speaking”

When weak leaders listen, they cannot wait for their turn to speak. They are eager to get their views across and say things like “I understand where you are coming from but…” or “I agree with that but…”

Strong Leaders hold the intention to fully understand before they respond. They are totally present in the conversation and have no compulsion to jump in a share their view. Their purpose is not to agree or disagree, but understand fully the other point of view before deciding how they respond.

#5. Sharpen the saw.

Strong leaders are consistent practitioners, weak leaders are dabblers in what is flavour of the month.

If you took an inventory of all of the things you know, all the knowledge you’ve gained from courses and books how long would the list be? If you were then asked exactly how much of it you consistently practice, how much shorter would your list be?

The strong leader knows that practice is a constant discipline which enables your skills to remain sharp and effective. If Tiger Woods, Roger Federer or Michael Jordan only practised their skills during game time, they wouldn’t have been half as good as they were. The investment in constant practice is what helped them to step up their performance in live situations.

Similarly, if you only practice listening in a conflict situation are you really going to be an effective listener? If you only put first things first on occasion how can you expect you plans to work?

The full 7 habits are a great simple set of principles of life and business but the biggest lesson I learned about strong leadership is this….

Strong leaders do not wait for permission, need titles or require followers. Strong leaders lead themselves first knowing that it is their actions which will inspire others to follow them.

What do you think makes a strong leader? Please leave comments below.

If you need help with becoming a stronger leader or developing the leadership skills of your people then check out Vinspired Coaching or give me a call.