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Vinay Parmar - Speaker, Coach, Author

Fantatstic Tips on Career, Life and Business Development

Fantatstic Tips on Career, Life and Business Development

professional motivational speaker

How to deal with losing a loved one.

12th May 2015 by VParmar Leave a Comment

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Yesterday I got a phone call to tell me that the mum of a close friend had died suddenly.

It was a shock. She was a wonderful woman and will be missed by many.

Loss of any kind is difficult to deal with but coming to terms with losing a loved one  is one of the most difficult things we have to deal with in life.

It doesn’t matter whether it is sudden or expected, the emotions we feel in the aftermath are wide ranging.

The most important thing to know about dealing with loss is that there is no right or wrong way of doing so. Each of us are different and therefore will be affected in different ways, but ultimately grief consists of several key emotions.  

[Read more…] about How to deal with losing a loved one.

Filed Under: emotional intelligence, Personal Development, personal growth Tagged With: dealing with anxiety, dealing with death, inspirational speaker, life coach birmingham, motivational coaching, Overcoming fear, professional motivational speaker, self improvement, vinay parmar

Why You Are Just Like An Onion

4th May 2015 by VParmar Leave a Comment

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“I’ve been listening to Tony Robbins everyday for last few months to get me fired up in the morning ready for work. Lately  thought, I’ve found it’s not having the same impact anymore. What’s wrong?”

That’s a question which came out of a coaching session last week.

If you’ve heard of Tony Robbins you’ll know he is a pretty awesome guy.

In fact it was his Personal Power 2 audio programme which really helped me to turn a corner in my life and he continues to inspire much of my work today.

But why had Tony’s words stopped working for my client?

Well, it’s because my client is like an onion. In fact we all are.

Let me explain.

[Read more…] about Why You Are Just Like An Onion

Filed Under: Business, Change, Performance Improvement Tagged With: Business Coaching Birmingham, Business Success, coaching, improving results, inspirational business ideas, life coach birmingham, motivational coaching, personal development, Personal growth, professional motivational speaker, self development, Tony Robbins, vinay parmar, vinspired

Yes, you do have a brand! Even if you are not a business.

11th March 2015 by VParmar Leave a Comment

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A couple of weeks back a friend and I were sat in Urban Coffee in the centre of Birmingham (it’s a really cool place!)  having a healthy debate…well, it was probably more of an argument.

“I don’t have a brand…I am not in business like you!” he declared

He was wrong.

HE IS A BRAND. 

[Read more…] about Yes, you do have a brand! Even if you are not a business.

Filed Under: Business, Leadership, Personal Development Tagged With: branding, Business Coaching Birmingham, Business Consultancy Birmingham, Business Success, coaching, improving results, inspirational business ideas, inspirational business speaker, leadership motivational, Personal Branding, professional motivational speaker, the brand called you, vinay parmar

The Way Of The Yoga-Prenuer?

9th February 2015 by VParmar Leave a Comment

Yoga has gained popularity as more and more people are learning about the physical benefits of the ancient practice such flexibility and core strength.

Yoga-Business

But can practising Yoga make a positive difference to you in your business or career?

I’m far from being a Yoga Guru but I think it can.

Don’t worry you won’t have to don a pair of yoga pants, master the downward dog or sit in the lotus position in a hot room to experience the positive benefits of Yoga.

The first thing you need to understand though is that Yoga isn’t just about the body.  It’s not only a unison of mind, body and spirit but a way of life.

The root of Yoga lies in ancient moral, ethical and societal guidelines known as Yamas.

Here’s how the practising these 5 Yamas in the context of your business or career can lead to positive transformational impact in your results!

#1 Ahimsa – Non-violence towards the self and others.

Violence isn’t always about physical harm but also the emotional and mental impacts of  our reactions to events and other people.

In the pursuit of success it is inventible that we will make mistakes, have failures along the way and not always get the result we want.  When that happens we can become our own worst critic and give ourselves such a hard time what we speak to ourselves in a way in which we would never not accept from others.

The negative words and actions we use in these situations are a ‘violent act’ which affects our self esteem, confidence and can ultimately can impede our growth

For example, if a project or product fails instead of becoming angry and disappointed with yourself or other people,  ask yourself “Are my thoughts, actions, and deeds fostering the growth and well-being of everyone involved?”

Learn to apply love and compassion, however difficult it may seem, and you will see greater opportunity and possibility to move forward.

#2  Satya  – Commitment To Being Truthful.

This is based on the belief that honest communication and action form the foundation of of any healthy relationship, community or organisation.  Deliberate deceptions such as withholding information, altering the truth, exaggerating, gossiping, or retelling a story that you know isn’t exactly accurate can all  have harmful impacts.

Being truthful also applies to the self. It means have the courage and conviction to live our own truth and not hide away behind some kind of mask. It’s about authenticity.

The less truthful we are the more we have to do in order to cover up our tracks and that can bring about feelings of anxiety, stress and guilt.

For example, as simple mis-truth on a CV, Linkedin profile or claim of results can seem harmless at the time but can have far reaching consequences.

Sir Walter Scott once wrote “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!”

Practising truthfulness in how we speak, act and communicate brings about feelings of calmness as there are no fabrications that need remembering and elaboration.

Whilst being truthful is important, you should also be aware of our intentions behind sharing a truth. If our motive for telling the truth is to bring about deliberate harm to another then perhaps it is not a truth worth telling.

#3 Asteya  – ‘Non stealing’ 

This practice is two fold.

Firstly it is about becoming aware if we are constantly looking outside of ourselves for satisfaction, it becomes difficult to recognise our own talents, gifts and the abundance that already exists.

We can fall into mindset of lack wishing we had what others have and curse our own luck for not having the same. Yoga teaches us that when we let go of the desire of something, it will come to us by itself.  Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful of what you do have and all sorts of opportunities will present themselves to you.

Secondly it is about becoming self aware enough that we do not take advantage of what is freely given.  For example, this can be as simple as turning up to a meeting on time or not asking someone to stay behind to complete work to a deadline if we have no intention of acting upon until days later. In taking someone’s time that may not have been freely given, we are, in effect, stealing.

Just think about how annoyed we get we someone wastes our precious time.

#4 Brahmacharya  – Control of impulses of excess.

Traditionally this was practiced by ancient yogis who took on a vow of celibacy as a commitment to their spiritual path but in this context I’m going broaden its meaning to managing energy levels.

We live in a period when we are busier than ever before with huge demands on our time.

Our schedules are so full of things we need to do that most of us have no time for meditation, contemplation, or practices that rejuvenate us.

We don’t have the time to cook wholesome meals and so we end up eating processed convince food or worse still fast foods. We have little time for walks in the fresh air so we settle for a quick “workout” in air conditioned gyms whilst being bombarded with TV and loud music. Our minds and the energetic body become disturbed by overstimulation and a lack of connection to the natural world.

If we are honest with ourselves, even the most hardworking among us can point to things we do in the day which are not the best use of our time which could be better used for practices which revitalise us.

Look for pockets of time where you can begin to meditate for just 10 minutes a day or take a 15 minute walk to raise energy levels and rejuvenate you. You might even pre plan and prepared  your daily meals so that you are not making impulsive decisions on what to eat.

#5 Aparigraha  ‘non attachment’ to material things. 

Success for many people is defined by what they own. The house in which they live, the make and style of the car they drive or the amount of money they have in the bank all act as a yard stick as to their level of achievement, happiness or fulfilment in life.

It’s fine to have nice things in life but when they become the centre of your life and the measure by which assess your self worth, you are heading for trouble.

When you become attached to material things it can lead you to  become fearful, stressed or be in a constant state of worry about what would happen if they are lost or destroyed.

For example, imagine buying a brand new car and the first thought that comes to your mind when you park it is “Will someone scratch my new car while it is parked here?”

Non-Attachment is not necessarily about giving up everything and living the life of a monk. It is about understanding that your material possessions are yours temporarily – on lease if you like –  and the tighter you hold onto them and use them to define your happiness the more emotional stress you are creating for yourself.

Final Yogic thought.

All this may all sound like common sense but like my friend Miles said to me “Common sense isn’t always common practice.”

These simple practices can bring a greater sense of balance into your life and I’m confident practicing them consistently will begin to give you a higher level of self consciousness and awareness which in turn will help you to towards living a healthier, happier and more peaceful life.

Like anything new you try it will take time to settle into it but stick with it!

As always any help, comments or ideas are always welcome.

This post was influenced and inspired by these sources:
http://yoga108.org,
The Five Yamas of Yoga
http://apwateronline.com/2013/05/29/the-ten-most-important-human-values http://www.yogajournal.com/article/philosophy/to-tell-the-truth/ http://awakeningself.com/writing/mastery-of-your-energies-brahmacharya

Filed Under: Change, Leadership, Personal Development Tagged With: Business Coaching Birmingham, Business Consultancy Birmingham, Business Success, coaching, improving results, inspirational business ideas, inspirational business speaker, leadership motivational, professional motivational speaker, vinay parmar, yoga in business

Some of the best advice I’ve ever got…

12th November 2014 by VParmar Leave a Comment

Ever since I was little I have been comfortable performing in front of people. Whether that was singing ‘any dream will do’ in a school production of Joseph, being part of a Bollywood dance group performing in front of hundreds or simply keeping my large entourage of cousins entertained at family events – I love being in front of people.

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The feeling of excitement and thrill of being on stage is what lured me into the world of public speaking. I watched other motivational speakers and thought to myself “I could do that!….I can perform like that”

That was the mistake I made. The bottom line is that great speakers don’t perform…they connect.

It was on a training camp in St Petersburg, Florida where I got one of the best pieces of advice on speaking that I have ever had.

Just a simple sentence transformed my public speaking and later the way I operate in everything I do.

“Vinay, it’s not about you…..it’s about them.” said my coach.

The trouble with being up on stage or at the front of the room is that you can get fooled into thinking it’s about you.

The truth is that it is not about you. It’s about them.

This isn’t just great advice for speaking.

As a presenter, speaker,  leader or even as a parent you must understand that your words  can change the world for the people listening forever.

“They will forget most of what you did and what you said but they will never forget how you made them feel”

That’s a huge responsibility and therefore it’s critical that you leave that ego at the door.

For all the time you’re listening to that inner voice that’s asking you: ” Will they like me?” “What if they disagree with me?” “Will I be better that the last speaker?” “What will they say about me later?” or “Will I get more business?” – you are putting a barrier in between you and them.

I’ll be honest I had to learn to leave my ego at the door.

I still get that little voice in my head from time to time but I have conditioned myself to get rid of it quickly.

When you are preparing a presentation, speech or talk remember that your primary goal is to connect to your audience. You have to engage them and that starts by you metaphorically going to where they are and bringing them to where you believe they should be.

Ego just gets in the way.

Here are 3 ways in which you can leave your ego at the door:

#1 Stop. Don’t flex.
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Remember when you where a kid and how nobody liked a show off? Well that’s something that we don’t really grow out of.

People don’t like having your achievements, credentials or metaphorical trophies paraded in front of them.

You are not there to flex your ‘muscles’, you are there to inspire and move your audience to believe that they can build bigger ‘muscles’ than you.

You may want to get your favourite story in about that time you bumped into Richard Branson at the airport and he told you were great or showcase your technical knowledge about how Google algorithms work, but ask yourself “Is it adding value to your audience or stroking your ego?”

Your job is to shine the light and focus on them.

#2 Surround yourself with humble people. 

I think it was who once said Jim Rohn “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” 

Be careful whom you spend your time with. I’m not telling you to ditch your family and friends, I’m telling you to pay attention to who you hangout with the most.

There are all sorts of people who will blow smoke up your butt or massage your ego. If you listen to them too much, you’ll start to believe the hype. That’s a dangerous place to be in.

Instead find people who will keep you humble and your feet firmly planted on the floor. These people will support you and will not just tell you what they think you want to hear, they will give you honest, agenda free advice.

#3 Give yourself an A.
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Take a leaf out of Benjamin Zander’s book the Art of Possibility and give yourself an ‘A’.

I’m not asking you to take an exam. I’m saying that you need to let go of the desire to compare yourself to others.

When teaching music students Zander discovered that many of them were playing within themselves because they were more concerned about being technically correct and being top of the class more than anything else.

He found this pre-occupation with getting an “A” interfered with students truly connecting with their music and as a result they were holding back.

One year Zander started by telling his students that they had already gotten an “A” but the only condition was that they had to write a letter to him dated a year ahead starting with “Dear Mr Zander, I got my ‘A ‘ because…..”

Imagine if you gave your presentation from a position of already having been given a standing ovation, 10/10 on your feedback charts and with glowing testimonials.

How differently would you feel? How much less chatter would there be in your mind?

If you are interested in learning more about speaking and improving your skills get in touch. I coach individuals and run open workshops like this one >> Awesome Public Speaking workshop<<

Filed Under: Leadership, Personal Development, Public speaking Tagged With: business presentation skills, inspirational business ideas, inspirational business speaker, motivational professional speaker, presentation skills, professional motivational speaker, public speaking

What makes a strong leader?

6th October 2014 by VParmar Leave a Comment

Last week I was invited to share my thoughts with Danny Kelly on BBC Radio WM about leadership following a YouGov survey which revealed that 59% of respondents felt that Ed Miliband appeared ‘weak.’

I shared 3 key attributes which I feel are key attributes of great leaders : 1) The ability to engage, 2) having a commanding physiology and 3) being prepared to be vulnerable.

You can listen to the whole interview (8 mins) below.

There are other traits which I believe make a strong leader and add to what I said in the interview.

I’m taken back to a book I read many years ago that had a profound effect on me and shaped the way I developed as a leader.

Leadership

Steven R. Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has been a permanent fixture in my book collection for many years. Below I have outlined my adaptation of five of his key principles that I believe translate into practical behaviours for strong leaders.

#1. Be Proactive. 

The strong leader is always on the front foot understanding that they cannot control everything around them. They know that they are not defined by their circumstances or conditions but rather they are defined by how they respond in situations.

The weak leader is caught on the back foot. They believe that they are helpless, a victim of circumstance and that the solution to the problem always lies with someone or something else.

For example,  imagine the performance of a team is suffering.  The strong leader will look at themselves first and ask “what is it that I could do differently to help improve the situation?”  They will step forward, accept responsibility and become part of the solution.

The weak leader will see the problem elsewhere and seek to apportion blame, declaring that it is others that need to change in order to improve things. They will step back, absolve themselves from any responsibility and believe that the solution exists outside of themselves.

#2. Begin with the end in mind. 

The strong leader has a clear vision and makes daily decisions consistent with travelling in that direction.

The weak leader’s decision making is moment to moment. They are a random collection of choices that may or may not help achieve what they want.

The strong leader knows that establishing the end game first is critical to overall success. They understand that if they know where they want to be, then they can make better choices day to day moving towards what they want rather than away from it.

For example, imagine you are leading within an organisation and are asked to identify cost savings. It would be easy to look down your departmental budget and pick out the big numbers to slash. This might win you some ground in the short term but what if those things that were cut are crucial to the long term success of your business? What if the very things that win you points now are the cause of your demise later?

#3. Put first things first. 

Strong leaders focus on the ‘must’ do tasks whereas weak leaders focus on the ‘nice to do’ things.

Where as begin with the end in mind was about the mental preparation and creation, putting first things first is about the physical creation.

In a constantly ‘on’ world you can easily find yourself being busy doing things all day, but are they the right things? Are they the most urgent or important? Or are you doing them because you like to do them?

Take email as an example. Do you respond to every message pretty much as soon as it  comes in? Does the ‘ding’ of email arriving suddenly jolt you into action?

Of course there are urgent emails and messages which need an instant reply and I bet if you really think about it there are very few that actually need that level of immediate response in reality.

What are big important things you should be doing instead? The things which will move you closer to your objective?

If you don’t have a clear end game then how can you know what is and what isn’t urgent?

 #4. Seek fist to understand and then to be understood. 

The strong leader listens…really listens, the weak leader simply hears what is being said.

Most people think they are good listeners but in reality they can still be much better.

In words of William Stringfellow –

“Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your own appearance or impressing another, or trying to decide what you are going to say when the other person stops speaking” 

When weak leaders listen, they cannot wait for their turn to speak. They are eager to get their views across and say things like “I understand where you are coming from but…” or “I agree with that but…”

Strong Leaders hold the intention to fully understand before they respond. They are totally present in the conversation and have no compulsion to jump in a share their view. Their purpose is not to agree or disagree, but understand fully the other point of view before deciding how they respond.

#5. Sharpen the saw.

Strong leaders are consistent practitioners, weak leaders are dabblers in what is flavour of the month.

If you took an inventory of all of the things you know, all the knowledge you’ve gained from courses and books how long would the list be? If you were then asked exactly how much of it you consistently practice, how much shorter would your list be?

The strong leader knows that practice is a constant discipline which enables your skills to remain sharp and effective. If Tiger Woods, Roger Federer or Michael Jordan only practised their skills during game time, they wouldn’t have been half as good as they were. The investment in constant practice is what helped them to step up their performance in live situations.

Similarly, if you only practice listening in a conflict situation are you really going to be an effective listener? If you only put first things first on occasion how can you expect you plans to work?

The full 7 habits are a great simple set of principles of life and business but the biggest lesson I learned about strong leadership is this….

Strong leaders do not wait for permission, need titles or require followers. Strong leaders lead themselves first knowing that it is their actions which will inspire others to follow them.

What do you think makes a strong leader? Please leave comments below.

If you need help with becoming a stronger leader or developing the leadership skills of your people then check out Vinspired Coaching or give me a call.

Filed Under: Change, Leadership Tagged With: careers coaching, coaching for business, coaching in business, coaching to success, inspirational business ideas, inspirational business speaker, inspiring business people, leadership motivational, leadership of a company, life and business coaching, life coaching uk, life success coaching, motivational coaching, motivational leadership speakers, motivational professional speaker, motivational speaking companies, personal development coach, personal life coaching, professional motivational speaker, professional motivational speakers, small business coaching

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