coaching for business

3 Questions To Help You Find Your Mojo.

1st December 2014 by VParmar Leave a Comment

Have you ever found yourself in a position where you’re starting to question if what you are doing is the right thing?

Maybe you’ve started to wonder if all the time and energy you’ve invested into your career is all really worth it?

When you are going through a tough spell those questions can circulate in your mind, begin to chip away at your motivation and play havoc with your mojo.

I’ve developed 3 questions which have helped me keep hold of my mojo, stay motivated and driven – even in the toughest of times.

Check out the video below for the full low down.

Looking for just the questions?

Here are the 3 which now form part of my daily practice.

How is what I do important to ME?

How is what I do important to the people I LOVE?

How is what I do important to the people I SERVE?

Try these as part of your daily practice to remind yourself of and reconnect to your purpose.

5 Lessons on How To Win In Life From The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

12th November 2014 by VParmar Leave a Comment

The movie “Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” follows the journey of a group of elderly British people who head off to India to what they think is a quintessential retirement home set in the outskirts of Jaipur.

If you’ve not seen it. I won’t spoil it. I will just say that there are a few twists along the way!

It’s one of my favourite movies but not for the reasons you may think. It’s not because I feel some sense of connection with my ancestral home or that I feel some kind of pride seeing India depicted so beautifully on the big screen.

It’s my one of my favourite because it contains some wonderful quotes and lessons which I have found useful when dealing with difficult times in my life, business and career.

#1. “Nothing here has worked out quite as I expected. Most things don’t. Sometimes what happens instead is the good stuff.”

Often when we set in the pursuit of a goal we create a picture of perfection in our minds. The trouble is that if we arrive at our goal and things aren’t quiet what we pictured we can become disappointed, frustrated and even angry.

In that heightened sense of emotion we can get caught up with what is ‘not‘ rather than what could ‘be‘.

Often the way things turn out tend to be better than version you had imagined in your head.

#2. “There is no past that we can bring back by longing for it. Only a present that builds and creates itself as the past withdraws.”

Unless you are Doc Brown, have just invented the flux capacitor and installed it into a Delorean; time travel isn’t something you can do.

No matter how much we we try there is nothing we can do to change what has gone before us. It is pointless holding on to the regrets, mistakes and even victories from yesterday as they only serve in holding us back. All we can do learn from those experiences and bring forward those lessons to help build a better future.

We cannot grab the opportunities of today if we have both hands firmly on the past…you have to let go.

#3. The only real failure is the failure to try…and the measure of success is how we cope with disappointment.

My daughter started school this year and has learnt a new phrase which she proudly screams out whenever she is finding something difficult “If it’s tricky, try and try again.”

Children approach everyday life with a sense of curiosity and bravery which somewhere along the line got sucked out of us as we grew into adults. As a result many of us have become imprisoned by a fear – the fear of failure. This prison holds many of us back from really reaching for our dreams and ambitions as our minds plague us with questions such as “What if it doesn’t work?” or “What I get it wrong?” and even “What will other people think?”

Those thoughts will keep us imprisoned forever if we allow them to. The silly thing is that most of what we fear is far worse in our minds then it is in reality.

Unless we are prepared to fail how can we ever experience true success?

#4. Initially you’re overwhelmed. But gradually you realize it’s like a wave. Resist, and you’ll be knocked over. Dive into it, and you’ll swim out the other side.

Human beings are creatures of habit. We don’t really like change.

Most of us like the feeling of feeling of familiarity and knowing what to expect as it gives us a sense of security.

The moment that a change occurs our flight or fight system kicks in and for the majority of people that means fighting to keep things as they are. They refuse to accept that things are changing and will do anything they can think of to put a stop to it.

The problem is that most often we have no choice as to whether change happens or not. The only true choice we only have is how we deal with it or to be more specific, how quickly we are willing to accept it.

You can invest your energy and time in trying to resist what is happening around you but you will find that at some point you’ll be swept along with tide. Alternatively you can throw away the security blanket, dive in and put all your energy into getting to the other side.

#5. Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end.

You often hear athletes, competition winners and those who have achieved success talk about the level of self belief they had on their journey.

I think self belief is important but I think that there is something greater and maybe more powerful than having belief in yourself.

I’m talking about faith.

When I talk to people who have given up on goal or dream, it is not the lack of self belief that became the biggest problem but a lack of faith the everything will be ok.

Not matter what you go through in life, no matter how hard or how tragic your situation, if you are still breathing and above ground you’re still in the game.

As Rocky would say ” It ain’t over till its over”

The 5am Club

10th November 2014 by VParmar 4 Comments

For the past two months I’ve been a member of the 5am club and it’s made a massive difference in my life.

It was inspired by author Robin Sharma and a few of friends who have adopted the practice into their lives.

I thought I’ d share my version with you as I think it could be a useful thing to add into your life.

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Each morning I am up at 5am and here is what I do.

Practice #1 – Water.

Before I do anything else I hydrate my body with a litre of water. It’s a traditional Ayurvedic practice which is said to have multiple health benefits from flushing out toxins and impurities to improving concentration levels.

I do it to kick start my body’s engine as it will have been without it for at least 6 hours. Besides our brain cells are about 85% water and muscles contain 75% of H2O so it makes sense that you should feed it more of what it needs.

I can tell from my own experience that my body functions so much better as a result. I can really feel a difference in my energy levels on the days when I haven’t done this properly.

Practice #2 – Gratitude.

I spend the next 15 minutes in the practice of gratitude. Simply I have a conversation with God and give thanks for what I have in my life physically and spiritually. What I mean by that is not only giving thanks for the material things in my life but also for the person that I am at my soul level.

I give thanks to the good times and also to the challenges that my life that have shaped me into who I am and what I am able to do.

You may not believe in God or any ‘higher power’ but that doesn’t mean you can’t practice gratitude. You can simply go through a process of thanking all the key people in your life for contributions that have made to where you are now.

I can tell you that I have been far more on ‘message’, driven and motivated as a result of this short process.

Practice #3 – Fitness.

It’s workout time. Contrary to what you may be picturing in your mind this doesn’t mean you have to be in a gym.

A workout can be a brisk walk, a run through your local park or body weight circuit you can do in your living room (if you need help with this let me know I have some great ideas!) Whatever constitutes exercise for you, do it for 30 mins.

I chose to go to a gym because it fits my goals. I usually spend about 60-75 minutes on a planned routine which I have tailored to fit what I want to achieve with my body but this time isn’t just about physical exercise. It’s “me” time.

In my work I am with people all day and I also have a wife and young daughter, so this hour of “me” time is one of the few periods of the day that I can lock myself away from the world.

I plug into audiobooks, motivational speeches and sometimes I even watch a sitcom while I am on a bike. It fires my brain up in different ways and I feel more creative, energised and focused as result.

The Golden Rule.

During this whole time I avoid checking my email and social media. I will read articles from specific magazines.

The only times I will do something on social media is if I suddenly have an idea or thought that I think will have value to the people I am connected with.

Do it your way but do it.

You might think I am crazy and tell yourself that there is no way on earth you would get up at 5am.

You don’t have to be up at 5am.

The intention behind this practice is all about setting you up for a successful productive day, so whether you do it at 5.30, 6 or even 7 am- the point is you take an hour to spend some time on ‘you’ before you get to ‘working on/with/for them’

Let me know how you get on, I’d love to hear about your results.

Judge and Jury

5th November 2014 by VParmar Leave a Comment

“He is just one of those people…always complaining and never grateful!!!!” said the angry voice.

I was a on training heading into the City Centre and there was a phone conversation taking place a couple of rows behind me. I didn’t know the girl but I couldn’t help but think to myself that whoever she was talking about was now condemned to being treated as “always complaining and never grateful”.

In our interactions with people we make snap judgements all the time. We decide within seconds what other person is like and we put them in a category along with other people we have labelled the same. (You are probably making some judgement about me right now)

It’s not wrong or right. It’s a natural human thing to do.

What can become a problem though is when that initial judgement becomes a filter through which you observe that person. That judgement can become label that presupposes what that person is going to be like before you’ve even started any conversations. It’s like an post-it note you’ve placed on their heads.

As leaders (yes that’s right you are a leader!) it’s our job to connect with people not just communicate. In order to connect with people fully we must be able to catch ourselves when we are in ‘label’ mode, otherwise we will never truly be able to make that all important connection.

Earlier this week Channel 4 aired a programme called “Make Leicester British” which was a kind of social experiment where people from diverse backgrounds were put together under one roof. The group included immigrants and asylum seekers, as well as past economic migrants and some from the indigenous population.

There were number of labels which came to the surface and got in the way of people really connecting. ( If you in the UK and would like to watch it here)

Most interesting for me though, was how the programme highlighted the number of labels held against the asylum seekers and immigrants in particular.

Sweeping statements were made about what kind of people they were and how they had ‘all’ come over to Britain for benefits or to “milk” the system.

Now it might be true of some, but all? If we judge all by the actions of a few, how does that bring people together?

I’m reminded of a quote by Mahatma Gandhi :

“Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”

I’ve got some further thoughts on this concept which you see in the video below.

I’d love you hear your comments, experiences and even challenges. Please comment below!

What makes a strong leader?

6th October 2014 by VParmar Leave a Comment

Last week I was invited to share my thoughts with Danny Kelly on BBC Radio WM about leadership following a YouGov survey which revealed that 59% of respondents felt that Ed Miliband appeared ‘weak.’

I shared 3 key attributes which I feel are key attributes of great leaders : 1) The ability to engage, 2) having a commanding physiology and 3) being prepared to be vulnerable.

You can listen to the whole interview (8 mins) below.

There are other traits which I believe make a strong leader and add to what I said in the interview.

I’m taken back to a book I read many years ago that had a profound effect on me and shaped the way I developed as a leader.

Steven R. Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has been a permanent fixture in my book collection for many years. Below I have outlined my adaptation of five of his key principles that I believe translate into practical behaviours for strong leaders.

#1. Be Proactive.

The strong leader is always on the front foot understanding that they cannot control everything around them. They know that they are not defined by their circumstances or conditions but rather they are defined by how they respond in situations.

The weak leader is caught on the back foot. They believe that they are helpless, a victim of circumstance and that the solution to the problem always lies with someone or something else.

For example, imagine the performance of a team is suffering. The strong leader will look at themselves first and ask “what is it that I could do differently to help improve the situation?” They will step forward, accept responsibility and become part of the solution.

The weak leader will see the problem elsewhere and seek to apportion blame, declaring that it is others that need to change in order to improve things. They will step back, absolve themselves from any responsibility and believe that the solution exists outside of themselves.

#2. Begin with the end in mind.

The strong leader has a clear vision and makes daily decisions consistent with travelling in that direction.

The weak leader’s decision making is moment to moment. They are a random collection of choices that may or may not help achieve what they want.

The strong leader knows that establishing the end game first is critical to overall success. They understand that if they know where they want to be, then they can make better choices day to day moving towards what they want rather than away from it.

For example, imagine you are leading within an organisation and are asked to identify cost savings. It would be easy to look down your departmental budget and pick out the big numbers to slash. This might win you some ground in the short term but what if those things that were cut are crucial to the long term success of your business? What if the very things that win you points now are the cause of your demise later?

#3. Put first things first.

Strong leaders focus on the ‘must’ do tasks whereas weak leaders focus on the ‘nice to do’ things.

Where as begin with the end in mind was about the mental preparation and creation, putting first things first is about the physical creation.

In a constantly ‘on’ world you can easily find yourself being busy doing things all day, but are they the right things? Are they the most urgent or important? Or are you doing them because you like to do them?

Take email as an example. Do you respond to every message pretty much as soon as it comes in? Does the ‘ding’ of email arriving suddenly jolt you into action?

Of course there are urgent emails and messages which need an instant reply and I bet if you really think about it there are very few that actually need that level of immediate response in reality.

What are big important things you should be doing instead? The things which will move you closer to your objective?

If you don’t have a clear end game then how can you know what is and what isn’t urgent?

#4. Seek fist to understand and then to be understood.

The strong leader listens…really listens, the weak leader simply hears what is being said.

Most people think they are good listeners but in reality they can still be much better.

In words of William Stringfellow –

“Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your own appearance or impressing another, or trying to decide what you are going to say when the other person stops speaking”

When weak leaders listen, they cannot wait for their turn to speak. They are eager to get their views across and say things like “I understand where you are coming from but…” or “I agree with that but…”

Strong Leaders hold the intention to fully understand before they respond. They are totally present in the conversation and have no compulsion to jump in a share their view. Their purpose is not to agree or disagree, but understand fully the other point of view before deciding how they respond.

#5. Sharpen the saw.

Strong leaders are consistent practitioners, weak leaders are dabblers in what is flavour of the month.

If you took an inventory of all of the things you know, all the knowledge you’ve gained from courses and books how long would the list be? If you were then asked exactly how much of it you consistently practice, how much shorter would your list be?

The strong leader knows that practice is a constant discipline which enables your skills to remain sharp and effective. If Tiger Woods, Roger Federer or Michael Jordan only practised their skills during game time, they wouldn’t have been half as good as they were. The investment in constant practice is what helped them to step up their performance in live situations.

Similarly, if you only practice listening in a conflict situation are you really going to be an effective listener? If you only put first things first on occasion how can you expect you plans to work?

The full 7 habits are a great simple set of principles of life and business but the biggest lesson I learned about strong leadership is this….

Strong leaders do not wait for permission, need titles or require followers. Strong leaders lead themselves first knowing that it is their actions which will inspire others to follow them.

What do you think makes a strong leader? Please leave comments below.

If you need help with becoming a stronger leader or developing the leadership skills of your people then check out Vinspired Coaching or give me a call.

You can’t see the whole picture when you are inside the frame!

26th September 2014 by VParmar 1 Comment

No matter how intelligent, resourceful or confident you are, there will come a point in your life, business or career when you are simply stumped by a problem.

The harder you try the more frustrated you get and the further away you seem from a solution.

The thing is often we focus so much on the problem, that we fail to see the solution.

I saw a great quote from Les Brown which I think sums up this conundrum well – “You can’t see the whole picture when you inside the frame!”

Here is a quick video of me explaining how that all hangs together.

If you’ve enjoyed this video blog please leave your comments or share with others!

I love answering questions and providing coaching for business and life success.

So if you have something you would like my view on then drop line or comment with your question below.