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Vinay Parmar - Speaker, Coach, Author

Fantatstic Tips on Career, Life and Business Development

Fantatstic Tips on Career, Life and Business Development

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5 Lessons on How To Win In Life From The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

12th November 2014 by VParmar Leave a Comment

The movie “Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” follows the journey of a group of elderly British people who head off to India to what they think is a quintessential retirement home set in the outskirts of Jaipur.

If you’ve not seen it. I won’t spoil it. I will just say that there are a few twists along the way!

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It’s one of my favourite movies but not for the reasons you may think. It’s not because I feel some sense of connection with my ancestral home or that I feel some kind of pride seeing India depicted so beautifully on the big screen.

It’s my one of my favourite because it contains some wonderful quotes and lessons which I have found useful when dealing with difficult times in my life, business and career.

#1. “Nothing here has worked out quite as I expected. Most things don’t. Sometimes what happens instead is the good stuff.”

Often when we set in the pursuit of a goal we create a picture of perfection in our minds. The trouble is that if we arrive at our goal and things aren’t quiet what we pictured we can become disappointed, frustrated and even angry.

In that heightened sense of emotion we can get caught up with what is ‘not‘ rather than what could ‘be‘.

Often the way things turn out tend to be better than version you had imagined in your head.

#2. “There is no past that we can bring back by longing for it. Only a present that builds and creates itself as the past withdraws.”
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Unless you are Doc Brown, have just invented the flux capacitor and installed it into a Delorean; time travel isn’t something you can do.

No matter how much we we try there is nothing we can do to change what has gone before us. It is pointless holding on to the regrets, mistakes and even victories from yesterday as they only serve in holding us back.  All we can do learn from those experiences and bring forward those lessons to help build a better future.

We cannot grab the opportunities of today if we have both hands firmly on the past…you have to let go.

#3. The only real failure is the failure to try…and the measure of success is how we cope with disappointment.

My daughter started school this year and has learnt a new phrase which she proudly screams out whenever she is finding something difficult “If it’s tricky, try and try again.”

Children approach everyday life with a sense of curiosity and bravery which somewhere along the line got sucked out of us as we grew into adults. As a result many of us have become imprisoned by a fear – the fear of failure. This prison holds many of us back from really reaching for our dreams and ambitions as our minds plague us with questions such as “What if it doesn’t work?” or “What I get it wrong?” and even “What will other people think?”

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Those thoughts will keep us imprisoned forever if we allow them to. The silly thing is that most of what we fear is far worse in our minds then it is in reality.

Unless we are prepared to fail how can we ever experience true success?

#4. Initially you’re overwhelmed. But gradually you realize it’s like a wave. Resist, and you’ll be knocked over. Dive into it, and you’ll swim out the other side.

Human beings are creatures of habit. We don’t really like change.

Most of us like the feeling of feeling of familiarity and knowing what to expect as it gives us a sense of security.

The moment that a change occurs our flight or fight system kicks in and for the majority of people that means fighting to keep things as they are. They refuse to accept that things are changing and will do anything they can think of to put a stop to it.

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The problem is that most often we have no choice as to whether change happens or not. The only true choice we only have is how we deal with it or to be more specific, how quickly we are willing to accept it.

You can invest your energy and time in trying to resist what is happening around you but you will find that at some point you’ll be swept along with tide. Alternatively you can throw away the security blanket, dive in and put all your energy into getting to the other side.

#5. Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end.

You often hear athletes, competition winners and those who have achieved success talk about the level of self belief they had on their journey.

I think self belief is important but I think that there is something greater and maybe more powerful than having belief in yourself.

I’m talking about faith.

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When I talk to people who have given up on goal or dream, it is not the lack of self belief that became the biggest problem but a lack of faith the everything will be ok.

Not matter what you go through in life, no matter how hard or how tragic your situation, if you are still breathing and above ground you’re still in the game.

As Rocky would say ” It ain’t over till its over”

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: Business Coaching Birmingham, Business Success, coaching for business, improving results, inspirational business ideas, inspirational speaker, leadership motivational, life coach solihull, self development, self improvement, success, vinay parmar

Success is an attitude.

3rd November 2014 by VParmar Leave a Comment

A few years ago on a company training event, I heard the story of the two marketing scouts who went to Africa to study the prospects for their shoe business.

One sent back a telegram saying :  “Situation Hopeless. No one wears shoes here”

The other also sent back a telegram : “Glorious business opportunity. They have no shoes here”

How could two people in the same place, see the situation so differently?

It comes down to attitude. It’s how we choose to program our minds to see, as I say, “Problems or Possibilities”

Success is an attitude.

It’s a simple statement and yet is so true.

Often when we are facing a difficult situation, a challenge or have the odds stacked against us, it’s that little voice in our heads that becomes the difference between success and failure.

The story we tell ourselves shapes the way we think and in turn determines the actions we take.

You cannot begin to even taste success until you first develop the right attitude. It’s not just about having a positive mindset but also about tenacity, determination and relentless commitment.

This video is taken from an Amercian High School Football game and has had over 8 million hits on YouTube!

It features a young man by the name of Apollos Hester who just oozes a great attitude.

As you watch it, think about the last time you had an attitude or belief as powerful as his.

Just think how much more you could accomplish with this kind of attitude.

Filed Under: Leadership, Performance Improvement Tagged With: Apollos Hester, Business Coaching Birmingham, Business Consultancy Birmingham, Business Performance Improvement, inspirational business ideas, inspirational speaker, inspiring business people, leadership motivational, life coach birmingham, life coach solihull, Personal growth, positive thiking, success, vinay parmar

Lessons from a Chimpanzee.

1st September 2014 by VParmar 1 Comment

Over the weekend I watched Disney’s Chimpanzee with my 4 year old daughter.

The documentary follows a troop of chimps who are under the leadership of Freddy who is strong, resolute and ruthless in his style.

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The story unfolds as a rival troop is looking to infiltrate Freddy’s territory and in the battle a young chimp called Oscar is orphaned.

As this little guy tries to come to terms with losing his mother he attempts to attach himself to others in the troop but gets rejection after rejection as all the other mothers have babies of their own to tend to.

The situation is hopeless. Oscar is unable to fend for himself and his condition starts to deteriorate leaving him facing a certain death.

In what would seem a final, desperate attempt to save himself Oscar approaches the one chimp in the troop that is seemingly unapproachable – Freddy.

Instead of pushing him away, Freddy takes Oscar under his wing. The two begin to bond and Freddy shares his knowledge with Oscar teaching him how to be a chimp.

Then something amazing happens. Something so unusual that the film crew is stunned.
Freddy carries Oscar on his back, something only a mother would normally do. He adopts Oscar as his own.

Oscar was saved and it was thanks to the most unlikely of sources.

What has all of this got to do with you?

In the pursuit of success and in the face of challenging times we can fool ourselves into thinking we have exhausted all options but help can always be found, it is just that sometimes it is in the most unlikely of places.

Having been rejected time and time again, Oscar could have given up…but he didn’t.

The natural order of the troop should have stopped him from approaching Freddy but it didn’t.

Have you ever held back from approaching someone because of their position or stature?

Sometimes we can be so in awe of others or intimidated by their position that we won’t make an approach.

What’s the worst that can happen? Another “NO”?

You wouldn’t be any worse off, would you?

But what if you got a “Yes”?
Just think what that could mean.

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: Business Consultancy Birmingham, coaching, inspirational speaker, life coach birmingham, life coach solihull, life coaching, Life coaching birmingham, motivation, Overcoming fear, self improvement, success, success coach birmingham, vinay parmar

Don’t rip off the shark!

31st August 2014 by VParmar Leave a Comment

I am a big fan of  TED talks. One of my favourites is from J.J. Abrahams the creator of the hit TV show Lost.

He shares how mystery always plays central role in everything he creates and he also touches on why he thinks rip off movies don’t work.

If you asked most people what the movie ‘Jaws’  was about , the reply would most likely be “It’s about a killer shark!”

True to a degree…but it is about way more than that.

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The shark is just what people see on the surface.

Jaws is really about a man finding his place in the world. It’s about Brody and his struggle to find significance in the world.

In the same way the movie E.T. isn’t just about an alien who gets left behind on Earth.  It’s about divorce. It is about a young boy who is struggling to come to terms with this parents splitting up.

What has all this got to do with you?

It is easy to look across at someone else or another business who you deem to be more successful and think “maybe I should do what they are doing?” or “We need to have products like that”

Whilst you might be able to replicate their processes or methods, you more than likely won’t get the kind of results that they have.

Why? Because you are focusing on the shark.

Here is my point.

To truly replicate success you have look beyond the shark to the story behind the story.

There are other critical components which will have contributed to success but are invisible to you when you look in from the outside.

Brands like Apple, Google, Zappos, Amazon and Disney aren’t great just  because of their products but more so it what is behind the products – the company culture, values, the DNA – which drives the greatness.

All these ‘behind the scenes elements’ are critical components of the story but often there isn’t enough attention paid to them or they are simply missed out all together.

The logo, the HQ, the tie, the shoes, the car and the suit are just other “sharks.”

The bottom line is that to really uncover the secret to another’s success whether that be as individuals or as a business you must look deeper.

A fellow speaker friend and mentor of mine David Hyner has interviewed top achievers and he had the pleasure of speaking with former gold medal winning athlete Kris Akabusi who shared with him a golden piece of insight which I think sums it up nicely.

Kris said “Look into top achievers, not up to them”

Filed Under: Change, Leadership Tagged With: Business Consultancy Birmingham, Business Mentor Birmingham, Business Recovery Midlands, Growing my business, life coach solihull, Life coaching birmingham, SME coaching, SME performance improvement, success coach birmingham, vinay parmar, vinspired

Ouch! That hurt.

20th August 2014 by VParmar 3 Comments

Earlier this week I sent my regular Tuesday email to my contacts.

I copied and pasted it into my blog post from my word processing app as usual, scheduled the email to go and thought nothing else of it.

Then I got an email from a fellow speaker friend which I opened with a smile on my face that quickly turned into the kind of grimace you get when you get a kick in the knackers. (Ladies, I appreciate you wont know how it feels but I am sure you have seen the expression on a man’s face when it happens.)

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You see the email pointed out – with love and supportive spirit – that whilst the message was good I had made a few errors in my text.

Of course my friends intention was to be helpful but I suddenly felt naked and exposed. My reaction was to sink my head into my hands and wish the world would just go away.

My email gone out to over 800 people on my mailing list, how dumb must people think I am?

At the best of times there is a lot going on in my head. If you were to step into my mind you would find yourself in a place more akin to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory than a well organised laboratory.

You see to many people I appear to be confident and self assured. People tell me that I carry myself well and make an impression when I walk into a room.

But I have a secret.

Under that well polished veneer there is a man who has been fearful each time he gets up to write on a flip chart. There is a person who has trouble spelling simple words at times and who sometimes has to read a paragraph several times before it makes complete sense to him.

The reason I speak more than I write is because I find it hard…damn hard. I don’t write well, it doesn’t come naturally to me. Sometimes my mind is speaking to me so fast that my fingers or pen cant keep up. My brain is left wired meaning I think in a less linear manner and I recently learned that I am mildly dyslexic too.

I am not perfect nor do I claim to be…none of us are really, are we?

This fear of imperfection has held me back from sharing many of my ideas, it’s one of the reasons it took me so long to write my book.

There are more ideas swirling around in my head at any time than I can count and until recently most of them stayed in there. They were locked in a vault away from critique and judgement.

Holding back my ideas, insights and thoughts meant that they never got the chance to add anything to the world. How can I inspire, spark an ideas or move people to change if I am too afraid to unlock that vault?

All the time I was allowing myself to be held back there were others lapping up the opportunities.

I asked myself “What do I do now?”

“Do I wait until I am perfect in every way or do I bite the bullet and take imperfect action, risking judgement, criticism or ridicule?”

I took the plunge, took a leaf out of Branson’s book and thought “Screw it, let’s do it”

So here I am today, warts ’n’ all.

How about you?

Maybe you’ve been in a similar place. Maybe you’ve had an idea to do something but you’ve held off sharing it until everything is perfect and by the time you were ready someone else had come along and stolen your opportunity.

Maybe you have plans to do great things but are fearful of getting it wrong or not doing it the ‘right’ way.

Perhaps you’re really afraid of what people may think if they discover that you’re not so perfect after all.

After all is said and done, I’d rather be in imperfect action than be paralysed by seeking perfection.

Will I seek to improve what I am doing? Damn right I will.

But will I stop until I attain perfection? No, because I’d rather be singing out of tune than not singing at all.

Maybe like me, sometimes you colour outside the lines, struggle to put pen to paper, miss out words or make grammatical faux pas.

Does that mean you should hold back?

Look, despite all these imperfections I have still managed to create success in my life. I say that not to impress you, but to impress upon you that you don’t need to wait to be prefect, for the perfect time or perfect execution.

You simply need to get started and refine what you do along the way.

An average idea with ok execution is worth way more than a great idea with no execution.

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: inspirational speaker, life coach birmingham, life coach solihull, life coaching, motivation, Overcoming fear, Personal growth, procrastination, secrets of success, self development, vinay parmar, vinspired

Sorry Tony, I disagree. Repetition is not the mother of all skill.

4th August 2014 by VParmar 8 Comments

 
I first heard this phrase used by the legend that is Tony Robbins when he was talking creating habits – the more you repeat something the higher the likelihood that it will become a habit.

“Habits lead to actions, which lead to results which in turn leads us to success” is the maxim.

Whilst I agree with this theory, I disagree that repetition is the mother of all skill.

I would say that persistence is the mother of all skills.

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Why?

I come across people everyday who give up on their dreams…often when they are just within touching distance they give up.

They are literally around the corner form the finish line and yet they put their hands up and stop running.

Maybe you know someone like this or perhaps you’ve even done this.

Everything started well. They had an idea, a plan and they took massive action. They kept a positive mind but eventually it had been worn down by challenges, difficulties and people around them telling that perhaps ‘they’ve tried enough’ and ‘maybe it’s time to give up.’ – even they should be ‘proud’ of how far they’ve come.

Talk to anyone who has achieved real success and you’ll find that they have been so focused on their outcome or goal that they would run through concrete reinforced walls to get there.

Even when the odds have been stacked against them they’ve been persistent – even relentless in their efforts.

To them it is never enough until the job is done.

To achieve anything in life you have to hone your mentality to create a superhero level of persistence.

Yes habits are very important but in my opinion persistency is the mother of all skill.

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: forming habits, improving results, life coach solihull, Life coaching birmingham, Motivational Speaker, secrets of success, self development course birmingham, success coach birmingham, Tony Robbins, vinay parmar, vinspired

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